Updated: Oct 16, 2021
I was struggling to forgive after being a victim of fraud. I had tried the ho'oponopono and it was not just the anger at him but also the self judgement and shame that I was battling with. I met Brene Brown at Wired for Wonder, an event hosted by Commonwealth Bank of Australia. I figured who better to seek advise, guidance and counselling but the queen of shame and vulnerability herself. I was curious and I had to ask her if, as part of her research in shame and vulnerability had the need for revenge ever come up? She advised that the best course of action is always forgiveness. She recommended me to go home and google Desmond Tutu and Forgiveness.
I read the below and it put everything into perspective for me. I am full of gratitude that I had the courage to ask her and I had the awareness that if I did not move on, I would only be punishing myself. I had gathered as much evidence as possible, let the police do their job - I did not want anyone else to go through what I had been through - there was nothing more that I could do.
Forgiveness - Desmond Tutu
To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things: the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.
However, when I talk of forgiveness I mean the belief that you can come out the other side a better person. A better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator.
" If you can find it in yourself to forgive then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator. "
You can move on, and you can even help the perpetrator to become a better person too.
But the process of forgiveness also requires acknowledgement on the part of the perpetrator that they have committed an offence. I don’t like to talk about my own personal experience of forgiveness, although some of the things people have tried to do to my family are close to what I’d consider unforgivable. I don’t talk about these things because I have witnessed so many incredible people who, despite experiencing atrocity and tragedy, have come to a point in their lives where they are able to forgive. Take the Craddock Four, for example. The police ambushed their car, killed them in the most gruesome manner, set their car alight. When, at a TRC hearing, the teenage daughter of one of the victims was asked: would you be able to forgive the people who did this to you and your family? She answered,
“We would like to forgive, but we would just like to know who to forgive.”
How fantastic to see this young girl, still human despite all efforts to dehumanise her.
Marie is a qualified Master Practitioner and Teacher in Face Reading, Psychosomatic Therapy and NLP. With more than 15 years of experience, Marie brings a unique blend of skill and discernment into these untapped spiritual disciplines. Marie offers inspirational insights into your inner self and personal potential. Reach out to Marie via www.facereadingsydney.com.au
" My passion is to make a difference to people, empowering them to be their best. This can be achieved by increasing their self awareness,
and maintaining a bodymind balance."